SMACK TALKING QUACK ADDICTS


Anyone up for a little Duck Hunt? (click image to play)

This Saturday, the 18-2 Oregon Ducks travel to Pullman to face college basketball's biggest surprise, the 17-3 Washington State Cougars. A quick commentary from a proud Cougar fan.

As a Washington State University alum, I realize that I'm supposed to be pre-programmed to hate the Huskies above any and everything else. I'm expected to villify anyone wearing purple, to kick dawgs when I see them, and to have a bevy of Billy Joe Hobert jokes at the ready. But I must say, time and time again it is not the Huskies, but rather the Oregon Ducks that raise my hackles more than any other Pac-10 school. These soggy little birds talk a lot of smack considering their limited history of athletic achievement.

And don't start with me Ducks fans, I don't want to hear it. First off, I realize WSU doesn't have much of an athletic record to fall back on either. The difference? We Cougars accept and recognize that fact, and we have a sense of humor about it. Meanwhile, you guys talk as if you have one of the most storied athletic programs in the country. But let's be honest here, if it weren't for your pimp daddy Phil Knight, you'd most likely be one of the saddest athletic programs in the country. We'll give you track and field, but other than that, what have you done to all of sudden be so damn cocky? Let's check out a few quick facts, shall we?

Your football team has been to 20 bowl games in your 113-year history, 11 of which came after Knight took you on as a charity case.

Your all-time bowl record is 7-13. Wow, impressive.

You have 13 national championships, 12 of which are for track & field.

You don't even field a baseball team. It's a 'club' sport in Eugene.

You have one Rose Bowl victory... in 1917. World War I was still raging.

You only have 8 NCAA tourney appearances, same as Iona. (see previous post)

That's pretty lame, Ducks.

I realize it's probably pointless to start nit-picking at your accomplishments like this, and normally I wouldn't engage in such boyish bombast, but it's just that you guys won't shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, but it's true.

A quick story: This past December I had the pleasure of spending Christmas Day with my father's girlfriend's kids (oh joy), all three of which are students at the University of Oregon (more joy). For nearly two hours, I was engaged in a conversation based on the premise that WSU should be kicked out of the Pac-10 in favor of Gonzaga for basketball, and for Boise St. in football. Barely resisting the impulsive urge to reach out and punch the eldest son, and biggest talker, square in the jaw, I asked him why he thought Oregon was so worthy? "Well, we won the first NCAA championship ever," he said. "Yeah, in 1939. What have you done since?" I replied. He stuttered a minute, then quickly jumped to the Ducks tourney run in 2002, glossing over the 63 years of basic basketball ineptitude that fell in between. I couldn't take any more, it was pointless to fight the battle. I needed another drink.

Seriously, I just don't understand where this cocky attitude came from. Are you suffering from an inferiority complex? Has the Nike money gone straight to your heads? Has the Nike money gone straight to your heads? Are you boastful because you get shiny new uniforms every year? I just don't get it. And about those uniforms, if you're so concerned about how you look, maybe you should just roll up the athletic department altogether and concentrate on fashion. Maybe you could get a spot on Project Runway?

Make it work people.

Before Oregon's collapse in Seattle last night, one prominent Duck blogger was, of course, talking a lot of smack at the Huskies. He was brimming with confidence early last week, predicting victory and assailing the Dawgs for lacking class, of all things (um, why didn't Brooks play last night?). He predicted that the title of his post-game report would be "Just Like Football" because Oregon had thrashed the Huskies on the grid this past season.

With that in mind, I'd like to ask Duck Nation if they remember this, from last October?

WSU 34, UO 23

My prediction for tomorrow's WSU/Oregon game? Just like football.